In business, especially in the personal development arena, make your mess your message means that the very thing that you’ve struggled with … that you had to overcome in some way … that you’ve been dealing with since you were a kid… and that you often want to hide or run away from… is in fact, the message you were meant to bring to the world!

It’s part of your purpose. Those very challenges were your training ground for all the ins and outs of your topic, whatever it might be. When you see this, a big ‘ole light bulb goes off and you say OMG, that’s it!

I had one of those moments the other night and it felt so amazing, and sort of quiet and unremarkable at the same time.

After years of doing lots of this personal development work, a couple times with a coach, but mainly on my own… I decided recently that I simply had to get some help. I couldn’t keep pretending that I could unravel this issue all by myself – for me it’s around money, lack and scarcity mind, especially connected to my relationship to my dad.

So I started one-on-one sessions with a coach.

Up to then, I’ve been “aware” of “my story” growing up for years … how I went to sleep night after night with my parents fighting and arguing on the other side of my bedroom wall about not having enough money.

I could tell that story with lots of details… blah, blah, blah… on request… no problem. But it was a story in my mind about my past that happened in the past. Nothing really changed by me repeating it except to reinforce it.

Allowing myself to actually call up the pain and then sit right there in the middle of it is an entirely different experience. To feel the sadness, the anger, shame, and guilt of it. To feel how terrified I was as a child hearing them arguing … to allow all those dark feelings to be there in my body, to feel the weight of them, the heaviness, the years of carrying them around.

That’s where the transformation happens. Awareness and releasing those trapped emotions deep in my first chakra. Not just to keep talking about it.

We can be aware of our story for a very long time but until we access it inside our body, feel the feelings of it, and release them, it’s only spinning around and around, mostly up in our head.

Here’s what I discovered that was utterly new in my awareness.

Not only did I take a vow of loyalty to my family paradigm – the family rules and values – around money and lots of other things too. I was aware of this before, but not nearly at the level of complete and utter loyalty I had agreed to.

I also took a vow to remain helpless. I had no conscious understanding of this because it was pushed into my shadow side… the part of me I denied. Denied and judged others who showed signs of being helpless or weak. And kept pushing me to do everything on my own.

That’s what we do.

So I discover this theme that’s been running my life for decades, unaware, in the background of my subconscious mind. I am helpless.

And we know another word for that is Victim.

But, but, but… I sputter… I’ve been working so hard for years to not be a victim. To prove that I can do everything all by myself. I’ve been fighting for women’s empowerment to say, “Hell, no, we’re not victims. We’re standing up for our rights!”

Precisely.

Our shadows are so amazing in what they are here to bring to our consciousness.

They wait in the dark until we’re ready to shine a light on them.

True, some shadow voices are meaner than others… but it’s my experience that when you’re really ready to see them, to see the light bulb hanging down from the ceiling and the wizard making shadow rabbits on the wall… they simply dissolve in the light of an open mind and heart. (and tears, yes, those cleansing tears too.)

Ok so I have this new understanding that I took a vow to remain helpless. What does that have to do with making my mess my message?

Well a part of that dynamic as a child was my decision to be the good girl. Don’t rock any boats, follow the rules, get the A’s, don’t lie, be mom’s little helper…

and if I was really, really good… maybe … just maybe … I could make them stop fighting.

When I heard myself say to my coach the other night, “I was trying so hard to make peace. To make it better between them. It was my mission for a long time,” chills zipped up my spine.

The name of my main program is Make Peace With Power. I saw in that moment I’ve been working on this my whole life and didn’t realize it.

Then, I was trying to bring my two parents together.

The difference now is that at this point in our journey on planet earth, we are becoming more and more aware of the fact that everything is energy. It’s alive. And our egos are made of many parts or sub-personalities, including our masculine and feminine selves.

Every single battle we are waging against some outside circumstance is, in reality, a battle we are having with the disowned parts of ourselves.

You are the source of your own experience. The outer world is a Reflection of what is going on inside you. The world does not happen to you, it happens through you. You are the creator.

The thing is, what is created is fueled by our unconscious. By those stories and beliefs we hold as truth that we used to protect ourselves from getting hurt as a child.

I’ve done so much personal growth work over the last several years. Yet I’ve lived my whole life unaware of this vow I took to stay helpless.

We simply cannot see into our own blind spots. It takes a guide to show you where to look.

If you’re tired of slogging it out on your own, taking classes and group programs where you don’t get that personal undivided attention, I sincerely invite you to have a conversation with me around my Make Peace With Power ~ Leadership Playground

This is profound, sacred work I’m inviting you to open yourself to. Explore the details at the link above. Then apply for a call with me.