In Part 3 of our series on what it means to explore your own shadows, I spontaneously came up with 14 reasons. If you haven’t read parts 1 and 2, see links below.

In Pt 1 ~ Your Shadow Knows Your Hidden You, I shared a broad overview of what your shadows are in your psyche. Then in Pt 2 ~ The Road to Burnout – Running From Your Shadows how you might be experiencing shadows around power in your business or career.

By now you’re probably wondering what’s the point of all this? It sounds pretty scary when it comes down to it. Why would I ask you to look inside your deepest inner dungeon at those parts of you you’re trying so hard to keep hidden away?

What possible good can come when you explore your own shadows?

Several things come to mind:

1. Wholeness
2. Inner power
3. Sovereignty
4. Clarity
5. A state of inner calm and groundedness
6. An expanding compassion for yourself and everybody else
7. Deeper self-acceptance, a sense of being Ok with ALL the parts of yourself
8. The ability to admit to certain traits that you previously tried to hide from others – as their grip on you loosens up
9. Bursts of creative energy
10. Stop running up to your head to avoid your feelings
11. Bringing your heart and your head into balance and partnership
12. Catching yourself judging others and being able to stop, take a breath and see what part of you wants to be heard or seen.
13. Not being so irritated with other people who you think of as judgmental or bossy or whatever other trait “drives you crazy” because you can see yourself in them. And your new-found compassion softens your reaction to both of you.
14. Become more consciously self-directed – When you’re still under the influence of your shadow energies, you might want to give talks or write your book or develop your coaching practice or raise your fees. But your shadow side that says it’s not safe to be seen or heard or be greedy, will sabotage your every move. In effect, you are not making choices about your life at all. You’ve handed that ability over to an inner part of you that you aren’t even aware exists!

Your Ego Is Not Bad or An Enemy You Need to Get Rid Of!

I don’t think your ego is bad or you need to dissolve or get rid of it. That’s not even possible to do. In this conversation about our shadow aspects, the point is not to keep fighting them. But to open the door to listening to what they are aiming to tell us.

I am all about each of us coming into a relationship with our Aware Ego, developed by Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone and their Voice Dialogue method.

This is how they explain it:

“Our aim for the Aware Ego process is to hold the tension of opposites rather than try to satisfy any particular self. The Aware Ego process is an evolving and dynamic part of consciousness – something that we believe is an evolutionary step beyond the traditional ego. It is an ego that combines Awareness (or the traditional witness position of the meditator) with the experience of opposing selves to come up with an entirely new way of living life.”

Just to be clear, I’m not trained in the Voice Dialogue method but learned about “parts work” which, as I understand it, came as an off-shoot of their system. Through my own life experiences I’ve come to the same conclusion – that an alive and awake Aware Ego is what we’re all aiming for. Moving beyond the either/or duality to a both/and reality. I’m not good or bad; lazy or productive; smart or stupid. I’m both good and bad; lazy and productive; smart and stupid.

(So interesting, I’m having a hard time using that word stupid. It’s triggering me right now. I’ll leave it in here and explore this more later, which actually brings up another benefit of this work. You begin to catch feeling triggered and you’re not afraid to dive deeper into what’s behind it. In fact, you become ever more curious to see what makes you tick.)

I think of the Aware Ego as The Still Point at the Center. And have an image of someone standing on a teeter-totter with feet on either side of the center pole. There is some motion involved – a sense of inquiry moving back and forth between our different parts. But the point is to be open to each of our opposing selves.

My Own Shadow Journey ~ The Power of You

At the end of 2011 I had my first dialogue with a part of me that I didn’t like and wanted a new relationship with, my Procrastinator. The dialogues took place over several months. I’d heard about “parts work” from Tim Kelley and Jeffrey Van Dyk and had a list of questions to ask different parts of myself. I didn’t know anything about “shadow work” at the time, though that’s really what it was. I was so amazed at the process. Each part of me I spoke with was unique and had their own personality. It was a bizarre experience at first. To have a literal dialogue with a part of myself.

I remember putting off talking to My Perfectionist for as long as possible. I felt ruled by her with an iron fist. Yet in the end, she was most encouraging and compassionate.

Beth, My Explorer – Transformed from My Perfectionist

A friend suggested I talk to my sceptic. I thought to myself, “I’m not skeptical. My brother is, but not me!” Oh my, I had no clue. This was truly a disowned part of myself. Hiding in the shadows till I invited it to come and talk. It was much more ruthless than what I thought the perfectionist would be. Yet we also came to a new understanding.

The entire process was life changing. I ended up creating a series of seven dolls to represent the new relationships and made seven books that shared my dialogues with others. At two different exhibitions, people were so moved by the experience. They could see themselves in my stories and the dolls had such a powerful presence. See all seven dolls, books and the full exhibition here. 

Working with these shadow aspects of ourselves is on-going

It’s not a one-and-done kind of thing at all. You develop a relationship within yourself that helps guide you, stabilize you, and, as I’ve said already, starts this outpouring of compassion for yourself and the people in your life.

It’s not that my perfectionist tendencies vanished. Of course sometimes they get the better of me, but I don’t have to be ruled by them. I can laugh at myself easier and not dive into a shame spiral. I can accept that, yes, I can be overbearing when I’m scared or nervous. And it’s ok. I’m human. We all have defenses for a reason. But we took them on when we were little kids.

Isn’t it time to let them go?

To dissolve the walls around your heart and find your true essence within?

Maybe you’ve tried lots of things to bring this about. I know I have. I’ll talk more about this next time.

And so far, I’ve been speaking in a general way about our shadows, how they operate in us, and what you’ll get by opening up to them.

You know my focus is on helping you Make Friends With Power and the key way I do that is inviting you to explore your relationship with your masculine – feminine energies.

Stay tuned for more on this in a couple days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What does this bring up for you?
Share your thoughts in the comments below.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Helping women understand how your masculine energies are set up to be your inner partner and support team for your feminine power, creativity and leadership is my own calling. When you’re ready to stop the internal battle between your male and female selves—that you probably don’t even know you’re waging—click to know more about my Make Peace With Power ~ Leadership Playground coaching program.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be sure to download your free guide below: Meet Your Sacred Masculine- Your Partner in Women’s Creativity, Power & Leadership.

Women on a Mission: Meet Your Inner Partner in  Creativity, Power, & Leadership