,How many letters after your name do you need to feel like you’re not an imposter?
How many books do you need to write to say once and for all, “I’m a ‘real’ author”?
How many scientific patents under your name would prove you’re not a fraud?
While the “imposter syndrome” affects all of us, men and women alike, when we’re faced with a new challenge, a job or life change, it often hits high-achieving women especially hard.
I mean, that’s the point, right?
We need to work extra hard to not be found out for the fraud we feel we are.
Can you relate to any of these signs?
You—
- Find it difficult to truly own your accomplishments, abilities or special talents
- Are reluctant to ask for help
- Fear failure or criticism so you avoid feedback
- Find it hard to start projects or to fully complete them
- Set extremely high standards for yourself and most people around you
- Are a perfectionist, overworking each task till you think it’s perfect
- Deny your own abilities—so you don’t ask for a raise or new position
- Zero in on your mistakes and dismiss what went well
In your career, whether you work for someone else or yourself, can you see the connection to a deep-seated mistrust of your own power? Underneath the imposter syndrome, there’s a fear that you’ll either abuse your power, or be abused by someone else if you accept the fullness of your personal powerful Self.
And that fear deprives you of a richly thriving life.
When I left my budding career as a social worker and started off down the path of a self-taught batik textile artist, I had no idea how much I would struggle with this.
Who was I to just declare I’m an artist? I had no degree. I didn’t know how to draw. And doesn’t everyone know they’re the proof you need to be a real artist?! I thought so anyway.
For years I felt like I was sneaking in the back door of the art world. And at any moment someone would shout at me, “Get out! You don’t belong here!”
It wasn’t until years after I stopped making my batik paintings that I could truly appreciate how amazing they are. I was one of a tiny handful of artists in the whole world who took this demanding technique using melted wax and dyes on cloth to create realistic paintings with my work.
The mystery of the process carried me along and it was magic. How could I claim these works as an accomplishment? Even though there’s a lot of skill involved (which I did not acknowledge), it’s like they somehow just flowed through me.
What I didn’t understand then are the dynamics of these lies we tell ourselves.
For so many of us, the undercurrent of mistrust in our own innate value is just way too painful to acknowledge. Ultimately, the lie we tell ourselves is that we’re not good enough because …. fill in your own blank. We’re worthless, or a failure, or helpless, or powerless. And that has to be kept a secret from our conscious awareness.
Here’s the Irony of the Imposter Syndrome
We feel like a fraud because we’re afraid that we’re somehow manipulating people into believing we’re smarter or more capable than we feel inside. And since manipulating people is “bad” – not a “good” use of our power, we need to cover that up by not being aware of it.
But the true manipulation is of ourselves!
We manipulate ourselves with the Lie that denies our inherent greatness, our gifts, our brilliance, our accomplishments!
Our Fear distorts our ability to use our power for the good of all.
If you’re afraid of your own power, you’d be afraid you can’t control it. You’d be worried you can’t channel it responsibly or be able to turn it off when necessary. When you’re afraid of your power, it leaks out. You don’t control it. Your personal Self-Mastery is connected to trusting that you can learn how to use your power wisely.
Can I claim that I’ve got this Self-Mastery thing nailed down yet? No. I’m on the journey like so many others. But one thing for sure is I’m fearless in exploring what this means to me. My deep dives into the darkness inside me are all about releasing my old patterns of shame and fear so I can step more and more fully into my own powerful Self.
I invite you to join me, no matter where you are along the path of mastery.
In my one-on-one Power with Purpose coaching program, we explore your personal power so you can embrace your true worth, your skills, your value, your special You-ness. And out of that, make empowered choices about your life and career. The imposter syndrome stops holding you hostage. Click the link to find out more.
**photo: One of three batik hanging panels in The Birdmen series, called For Karen, 2.5 meters long (2,5 yards), 2002
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