Reclaiming my own female victim shadow has been a lifelong process. And turning into Wonder Woman is only the first step to get there. Does this image of the women above make you uncomfortable? See if this resonates with you…

Blind Spots… our doorway to empowerment

You know how you’re driving along and you check in your rear-view mirror … then glance at your side-mirror… all is clear and you start to move into the lane next to you when … OMG there’s a CAR RIGHT THERE! And You Did Not See It!?

“How is that possible???” Your brain is screaming as your heart pounds in your chest and you jerk the wheel to get back in your lane.

When I read this passage from Embracing Ourselves by Hal and Sidra Stone, I felt like a car was suddenly in my blind spot and I needed to pay attention.

This is from the chapter called The Empowerment of Women The Danger of Identifying with Opposite Archetypes

“Often, when the warrior or other powerful energies are first released, the experience is so heady and powerful that it is difficult not to identify as completely with these as with our disempowered “nice” voices. This did happen to the militant feminists; they broke the archetypical identification with the passive victim only to become identified with the warrior archetype, the opposite energy.

However, this swinging of the pendulum is often a necessary first step in thoroughly breaking the hold of the disempowered self. It can also be a basic step in the consciousness process.

A woman who ceases to identify with her vulnerability, neediness, and passivity and identifies instead with her warrior, her impersonality, and her sexuality, has not necessarily moved forward in consciousness. She may feel more comfortable as top dog but then again she may not. She may find herself feeling alone and unloved. Whichever way she feels, she is still unbalanced – identified with one set of energies and totally disowning its opposite.

It is in the evolution of consciousness, the development of awareness, and the introduction of an aware ego that true forward movement takes place. Vulnerability cannot be disowned any more than the warrior can. Both men and women need their vulnerability and sensitivity in order to truly feel a part of life, and they need their warriors to ensure they do not become victims to life’s difficulties.”

We can’t see what we’re not ready to see

A few months after I read that passage, when I truly understood with full-body knowing that I’d lived most of my life driven by a vow I took as a young child… the vow to be helpless… it was like turning into my blind spot and seeing a car right next to me. How the hell had I missed that my whole life?

Well, I missed it because I wasn’t ready to see it yet.

I missed it because I thought that by standing in my Amazon warrior woman self for the past 45 years I’d “dealt with” being a victim. I had no idea it was hiding inside me still. (Though I was surrounded by clues!)

I missed it because it was buried deep – yet riding in my blind spot and until I stopped to really look at it – I couldn’t see it.

I missed it because it’s very difficult to see all by yourself. It’s been in hiding for years because it doesn’t want to be found. It took a guide to show me the way.

And as I come into a new awareness about how these male-female energies are operating in us, I can see where we need to embrace these disowned and rejected parts of us.

Rejecting Our Inner Victim Turns Us Into Bullies

It hit me the other day that if we are looking at our shadow energies through the male-female energy lens – those parts of us we disown, reject, do not want to claim –   that the opposite of the archetypical female victim is actually the male bully or dominating energy. (We can see the link to the warrior here too. But the warrior in the shadow side. )

So as I discovered in my own life… and as the quote above talks about … thinking I had transcended or transformed my Victim side by turning into an Amazon Wonder Woman is false. Or maybe it’s the first step on the journey. The only way to transform/ transmute the victim is to embrace her. To embrace and welcome the times and ways I feel needy, vulnerable, helpless. And in that moment of the embrace, I honor all of who I am.

It’s when I reject those parts of me that I turn into the bully. Because it takes energy to keep parts of our self in hiding. I have to fight that needy side directly, or I might bully her into submission or make her feel bad. There’s an internal battle going on… and until we begin to see how this works… we think it’s normal.

By zeroing in on our male-female energies that operate in and through us, we can fine-tune our internal conflicts and see where we are in or out of alignment.

Download Your Own Copy

This downloadable chart is a snapshot of our key male-female shadow sides along with the aware ego’s conscious male-female state.

As we come to admit and understand the value that our shadows have been to our own growth, development and awakening, we can stop pushing them away. Click on the link to download the pdf chart.

By integrating those parts of us we welcome our Aware Ego. We’re able to consciously move freely in between our female-male energies. The war inside stops.

When I could sit with the pain and sadness of my little-girl-self taking on a vow to be helpless at 8 years old, and then let it go… it felt like this plug in a drain opened up and all this stuck crap that had gathered around it for lifetimes surged down the drain. A space opened up inside me… open to new possibilities.

If you’re ready to explore these different parts of yourself and see where you’re open to releasing your victim story so you can claim your empowered self, click here to start a conversation with me.

What does this bring up for you? Share your thoughts below.

And be sure to check out your free guide after the comments exploring this whole topic much further… welcome your Sacred Masculine home to yourself to stand alongside your Sacred Feminine.

Women on a Mission: Meet Your Inner Partner in  Creativity, Power, & Leadership